The Best Day Of Life

Last night, we celebrated Landon's third birthday!

We decided to take him to Splash Universe and for at least a month, we have been hyping up this day!
I made the mistake of showing him the commercial they use to advertise the water park and we literally watched it everyday on YouTube.

We also made a countdown for him where he removed one number a day!

So when he woke up that morning, we gave him a special surprise to tell him that today was FINALLY the day we have been counting down for!

Brand new swimming trunks!
The perfect surprise for a water park birthday party!

Then, we had to make cupcakes.
Whats a birthday party without cupcakes?!

I was planning on being really ambitious by making a cake and icing a Curious George face on it, but I thought that was just asking for a disaster, so we settled for cupcakes in a cone.

And despite wanting to get them done quickly, I let Landon help and he did a great job. And when I say, "great job" I mean he was a really good taste tester.

I think they turned out pretty well - if I do say so myself!

After nap time, it was time to go!
He was so excited that he could barely sit still in his carseat and he rambled about anything and everything all the way there! (Something about how Santa has dogs in cages and helps them when they get hurt? No, we did not tell him that.)

After some pizza, it was finally time to get to the water park.
Before I took Landon out of his car seat he said, "I'm not going to get in the water, Mama. I think I'm just going to watch my friends." But as soon as we stepped inside, he didn't think twice.

I don't know that I've ever seen Landon so excited in his whole three years of life.

He was running around, screaming, jumping up and down, clapping, rolling on the ground. I wish I could re-live that moment everyday.

If you know Landon, you know he is a little timid.
He isn't a risk taker and usually steers away from anything that could be potentially dangerous.
However, fear did not stop him yesterday.

He conquered a small slide, all by himself!

And this bigger slide with his Papa which he probably went down fifty more times by the end of the night.

Toren even had a great time and had I known he would have loved it so much, I would have been more prepared, but he didn't seem to mind that he didn't get brand new swimming trunks and had to swim in his diaper.

Toren and Kase basically ruled the baby pool.

There is nothing greater than seeing your child bursting with happiness and excitement and thats exactly what we got to experience with Landon.
I'm not one to get emotional, but his joy brought tears to my eyes.

I loved hearing him squeal and giggle every time he went down the slide and at one point he said to me, "I'm having fun with you, Mama. This is the best day of life!"

Of course, along with swimming, there was opening presents, cupcake eating, and singing. 

He even got a gift from Pasadena, CA! 

I still can't believe he is three. 

Last night was so much fun and the total exhaustion was well worth it!
I was really hoping Toren would sleep all night, but if you've been following our no sleep saga, it won't be surprising to you that he didn't...

The celebration has run over into today! Today is a "yes!" day. Basically, we say "yes" to everything. So far he has had a donut for breakfast, apple jacks and puppy chow for lunch, and before he fell asleep for his nap, he asked me if he could have Goldfish when he woke up. We will probably regret this later, but! You only turn three once!

If You Like Pictures of A Sweet Landon Shae

Tomorrow, my sweet, 6lb 12oz baby turns THREE! I've already told you how I'm a little sad and I feel like he is going to be moving out within the next week.

So, I decided to do some personal reflecting on the past three years by looking at some of my favorite pictures.

I take thousands of pictures of Landon and Toren and I don't regret that.
I love having their little lives documents in pictures and they are so special and important to me.
I love capturing moments and being able to "freeze" time...even if only for a second.

Here are some of (lets be real...A TON because I couldn't just pick a few) of my favorite pictures of Landon over the past three years.

Brace yourselves...there are many.
I'm doing this more for myself, but feel free to enjoy the cuteness with me!

 

This was taken during one of his very

 first hikes. Tyler and I were just commenting on how Landon got to do so many fun things his first few months of life. We have some catching up to do with Toren. Although, Ohio is not quite as exciting as California so we will have to get creative.

This one makes me laugh. Its hilarious for so may reasons. 

1. He is sitting in a milk crate

2. His legs are swaddled so he can't really move, but he doesn't seem to mind.

3. His arm is resting on a jar of peanut.

4. He is happy as can be to be sitting in such an awkward setting.

I love this picture because his smile reminds me of my Gram. 

Toren smiles like this too and its the same way she used to smile! 

Any glimpse of her I can get, is a sweet reminder of how great she was.

Look at his little scrunched up nose! 

His first Easter Egg hunt and I thought the Superman shirt with the cape was appropriate. 

I love this little hat! And I was really excited when I found it in the attic for Toren to wear. This picture also reminds of me Landon's obsession with socks. He used to carry them all over the place and he never left the house without one in his hand. 

This picture was taken during our trip to Texas. We had been at a water park all day and Landon conquered water slides and putting his face in the water. 

I love his little tan lines and his crazy hair!

No explanation needed for this picture. 

He has so much joy and excitement for life.

This picture encompasses that so well. 

This was a special trip.

This is when we decided we were ready for another baby.

This also reminds me of his Sock Monkey obsession. 

He took those little things everywhere with him and he still occasionally throws them around the house.

He is always my favorite photography subject! 

Its easy to get great shots of him because he is so adorable.

I always said those big eyes of his would get him in trouble. 

Except now I think they keep him out of trouble.

How could you ever stay mad at that face for very long,

Those eyes look into your soul.

See those scissors? They made it into most of our family pictures because he refused to put them down. He also colored the palms of his hands purple that morning. 

Oh well, it makes it more realistic.

My sweet (almost) three year old...

Annual Date

Last night, Tyler and I went on our annual December 9th date.
If you have forgotten why we always go on a date on December 9th, let me refresh your memory.

December 9th 2012, I had a nice date planned for Tyler and I. Except the date never happened because I was having terrible back pain that ended up contractions, so we ended up getting Chipotle and spending the evening at home. I'm not saying Chipotle isn't date worthy food, but its not the date I had in mind for us.

So! Every year, on December 9th, we go on a date to make up for the one we didn't go on.

2011 was dinner and the Toledo Zoo Lights.
2012 was dinner and Christmas shopping (this was before I discovered the ease of online shopping on Amazon)

Despite a crazy morning and afternoon.
And regardless of my my suggestion to get a sitter and just going home to sleep instead of going on a date, we had a great time!

Our date started in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
Its a fun city and it always reminds me of Pasadena, CA (minus the fact that we have to wear coats).

We ate at a BBQ restaurant which was good, but kind of sub par. I like to think Tyler's cooking is better than any restaurant, but none the less, it was nice eating without sharing our food with a toddler and we actually got to sit at the table at the same time instead of one of us walking around with a fussy baby.

Que awkward family photo...

We had some time before the concert and on the way to the restaurant, I saw a chocolate shop. So of course, we had to make a stop!

Clearly, this place didn't disappoint and we basically spent as much money here as we did on our dinner. But I think it was money well spent!

Like I said, money well spent! 

I've had a lot of carmel apples, but this one was by far the best one I've ever had. 

Onto the concert!

It wasn't a large concert with thousands of people.

For this particular concert, there were probably only about 150-200 people there. 

We saw the band Over The Rhine.

I had never heard of these people until recently.  

I'm content with listening to top 40 (I know, usually terrible music), but Tyler explores different types of music and different artist and styles. Occasionally I like one that he finds and Over The  Rhine happens to be one of those bands. So, when we saw they were having a concert on December 9th we decided we had to go.

There is something different about this band.

The two singers are a husband and a wife and they have quite a unique story.

They wrote one of their most popular songs, "Born" during a really dark, difficult time in their marriage and the songs reflects this season of life. 

I think thats why I can appreciate their music.

They are real people, willing to share raw emotion through their song writing. 

If I've learned anything about marriage after having Landon and now, Toren, I know it is not blissful.

Kid's don't fix marriages or make them easier. 

If we are being honest, having kids adds a whole new element of stress. 

But, regardless of that stress and everything that comes with marriage, I get to watch Tyler be an awesome Papa to our boys, and that is a beautiful thing I get to experience daily.

One of my greatest joys is watching Tyler be with Landon and Toren.

Landon laughs the hardest when Tyler is chasing him through the house and being obnoxious. 

And Toren saves some of his biggest smiles for his Papa.

When I'm frustrated, Tyler is patient and calm.

When I've been up all night with Toren, he wakes up early in the morning with the boys so I can have a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

When I just needs some time to myself, he willingly takes the boys to football practice or to church meetings. 

I probably don't tell him enough how much I appreciate him.

Landon and Toren are lucky to have this man as their Papa. 

An Almost Three Year Old

In just three days, Landon is going to be three.

THREE, PEOPLE!

I can't believe it.
Or maybe I can believe it, but I just don't want to.

I haven't been emotional with any of his birthdays, but three just seems so different.
And so old. And mature. And like he is going to be moving out next week.

I'm sure I'm just being a dramatic mama, but it just seems different this year.

When he turned one and then two, he was still like a baby.
He was still in diapers, he could talk, but only enough for it to be cute. He still needed me for most things and so I still considered him to be a baby.

Now, he is going to be three.
He is potty trained. He talks...all the time (literally) and although it is still cute, along with talking comes negotiating, and its just plain ridiculous sometimes. He still needs me, but his needs are different and I know they will just continue to change.

In the fall, he will be starting preschool and even though its just preschool, I feel like he is going off to college.

Landon is so special and there is just something different about him.
His birth makes him unique, but that doesn't define him.
He just has an intuition unlike any other child I know and I can't quite explain it.
If you spend just a small amount of time with him, I think you would understand.

I wish I could just bottle his sweetness up.

Just three days old.

We sent this picture to so many people as "Thank You" cards when he was born. 

The outpouring of support we received was overwhelming. 

I am still so thankful for you all.

When he turned a year old!

His little cheeks are red...probably from being outside.

We went to the zoo that afternoon and it was freezing, but he loved it.

His Second Birthday

This is my favorite picture of Landon.

His little face just demonstrates his gentleness. 

A few weeks shy of being THREE.

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up - just stay this little...

Smoothies and Babies

Last Saturday evening, we were out finishing up some Christmas decoration shopping. It was a little chaotic because I think everyone else was doing the same thing. But, alas, we got a few bulbs and a stocking for Toren and we were ready to get home before Toren's next feeding, which was in about a half hour.

Tyler and I have been on a bit of a smoothie kick. Ever since we discovered that Toren doesn't tolerate dairy (which includes my favorite food - ice cream) smoothies have become the next best thing and we get them often.

We knew we were cutting it close with time, but we agreed that I would run into the mall and get two smoothies for the road.
Now, I have never been in the particular mall before and so you can imagine what that was like.
I had no idea where I was, or where the food court was, and I eventually found out that there was no food court at all. The smoothie stand was it's own little vendor in the middle of the mall.

Finally, I found the stand, got the smoothies, and made it back to the car.
It was going to be close, but I figured we would make it home before Toren would decide he was hungry. I mean, really, have you seen his thighs? I never feed him when he is hungry ;-)

Anyways, we made it about a mile down the road and Toren lost his mind because he was, "starving."

So, we pulled into a gas station and I fed him.

Then, we laughed because we had made it a full five miles down the road in 45 minutes.

All we wanted were some smoothies to enjoy as we listened to our parenting podcast while our sweet, little children slept in the backseat.

Except the smoothies were not that good and we couldn't even hear our podcast over Landon begging for a donut, which we said, "no" to because he had already had three over the course of the day (don't judge us).

The joys of parenthood. Right?
I'm not saying it isn't wonderful and rewarding and great.
But I should mention that I think about what our life was like before we had kids at least a few times a day.

And really, its hard for me to remember what we did all the time before Landon was born.
I do know we had more time on our hands than we do right now and we were pretty boring people.

Parenthood isn't what society wants us to believe it is.
Just scroll through your Facebook feed.
Everyone is posting pictures of how perfect and adorable their children are. I'm guilty of it too!

People only want you to see them at their bests.

I've learned first handedly how destructive this is to believe.

Sometimes, I wish I could have looked into the future to see what motherhood was actually like before Landon was born.

If I could have, I would have seen how everyday is not perfect.

There isn't always motivation to do fun, creative, educational, Pinterest activities.
It isn't full of love and cuddling all day long.
And somedays, I hate to say it, but I wonder what the heck we were thinking when we decided to have one child, and then add another to the madness.

But nobody tells you that when you are pregnant and about to have a baby.
Nobody tells you how hard the first few weeks of motherhood is.
Postpartum issues have almost become a taboo because we are made to believe how in love you are supposed to feel with your baby and how blissful your supposed feel.

When Landon was born, instead of instantly falling in love with him, I was asking, "Who are you and where did you come from?"
And even though we were expecting a baby when Toren was born, since we thought he was a she, I was also asking, "Who are you?"

I feel guilty saying it, but it wasn't love at first sight with either one of them.

I was immediately hard on myself as a mother and had convinced myself that Tyler was the better parent. I was sure they liked him more than they liked me because it seemed like he was able to soothe them faster than me and overall, he seemed like a natural and I felt I was going to drown in anxiety, guilt, and fear.

With Landon, nursing was hard! Here was I, supposed to be able to feed my baby the most natural way possible, and I felt like I there was no way I was going be able to do it. The doctor's encouraged us to supplement and he always took the bottle fine, but seemed frustrated when I nursed him which in return, frustrated me, leaving us both in tears. I felt like I was failing him - and it wasn't because I told myself I was failing, but it was because the world pushes breastfeeding so hard and I assumed that I had to make this work or I would be giving him second best.

Of course that isn't true. As long as your baby is getting nourished, thats the most important thing! And eventually, nursing became second nature for both of us and supplementing wasn't needed. But, nobody told me how hard it was...or how painful it is at first.

With Toren, luckily nursing came very easily. I like to think it was easier because I had a little more experience and I knew what to expect.
But, I still felt more exhausted, tired, sore, than I did overwhelming love for the baby I just gave birth to.
It took me a few weeks to genuinely enjoy him.

The first months of being a parent are exhausting and I don't just say this for the first time parents. I think its probably exhausting whether you have one child or six. The first few months are overwhelming...and its okay to be honest about that.

I would be lying if I said I felt like my heart was going to burst with love for my kids every second of every day.

Landon drives me crazy with his tantrums over nothing and Toren is about to put us over the edge with his no sleeping strike.

Its okay to admit that its hard and not always bliss.
Don't feel guilty when you get frustrated during the stressful moments.

Allow yourself to work through those feelings and enjoy the times when your heart does burst with love...because there are plenty of those moments too.

Escalators and Mall Trains

The morning we left to go to the hospital to deliver Toren, I was an emotional wreck.
I was scared, I was anxious, I was excited, but I was also feeling guilty.

The guilt of bringing another baby into Landon's life had set in.
My sweet, Landon who had been receiving my undivided attention for the last 2.5 years was now going to have to "share" his mama.

I cried. A lot.

Immediately after Toren was born, I was already feeling the stress of balancing two kids.
Knowing how crucial the first few weeks of bonding with my newborn was, and wanting my two year old to not feel any less loved or important was almost more pressure than I was anticipating.

Luckily, and I truly mean we are so lucky, Landon adapted better than I could have ever imagined. It didn't take long for him to fall in love with his brother and he fully took on his roll of, big brother, with grace.

He has been loving, sweet, protective, and selfless from the beginning.
And even though he has handled this transition with such ease, I still feel the, "mommy guilt" as they call it.

I feel like I'm always telling Landon, "I'll play with you as soon as I'm done feeding Toren." or, "As soon as I put Toren to sleep, I'll get you a snack." or, "When I'm done changing Toren's diaper, we can go outside."

I don't intentionally put Toren first, he is just more needy and one of the best things about this new journey with two kids is, Landon understands that. He understands Toren needs a little more attention and he demonstrates such patience.

So, today because of all this, I decided I was going to take Landon out for the afternoon - just the two of us. Uninterrupted by his little brother who always seems to need something.

Naturally, we went to Chick fil A.

Landon has never been to any other fast food restaurant, besides subway. He doesn't even know what McDonalds is. In fact, a few weeks ago we went through a Steak and Shake drive through and he was so amazed when the lady handed us a milkshake through the window.

Anyways,
We like Chick Fil A and there is a play land, which I'm usually not a fan of.
1. They are infested with germs
2. Its pure chaos.

But, what the heck! Right?
He happily ate his lunch all while dancing in his seat because he could hardly contain his excitement for the play area that awaited him.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't at least consider getting the food to go and having a fun picnic in the back of the car (which we have done before), but I knew he would prefer the germy slide.

So, I took a breath, and opened the door to the play land and it was just as I remembered them being as a child. Loud, chaotic, and germy.

Did I mention the germs?

But he loved it, and surprisingly, there were some really sweet kids in there that Landon enjoyed playing with. He doesn't get a lot interaction with other kids besides from his friends at church and at story time, so its always interesting to watch him play with other kids.

I also learned the Chick Fil A play land is a hot spot for other stay at home moms.
I enjoyed talking with other moms and laughing at our crazy kids and the funny games they were coming up with.

We both surprisingly enjoyed ourselves!

And yes, we promptly washed our hands as soon as we left.

Our next stop was the mall and it wasn't to buy anything.
Landon loves escalators, so thats what we did.
We rode the escalator in Macy's for about twenty minutes and admired the Christmas decorations.

He was convinced there was something really exciting in this box that was actually part of a display.

And he was even more confused why this man wouldn't talk to him.

But the most exciting thing we did, was ride the mall train!

We see it every time we go to the mall, but we don't usually have time to ride it and not to mention it is pretty pricy for a five minute spin around crowds of people.

But, we splurged and you would have thought I took him to Disney World. 

We saw a Toy Story display, emoji pillows, and a huge Christmas Tree.
The Toy Story display was naturally his favorite.
And since we were having such a great time, we took one more ride on the escalator before we left.

On the way home, I asked him what his favorite part was and he said, "I like the train, but when is Toren going to get to ride it?"

Have I ever mentioned what a great brother he is?
He absolutely deserves some time with just his mama.

And I'll happily oblige.

The Mommy War

If you know me, you know that I'm not a very competitive person. Its not really my personality to get mad over "losing" something or not being the best at something.

In highschool, I didn't participate in competitive sports. 

Playing the flute in the band is not exactly a cut throat activity.

Cheerleading was competitive in the sense that we did one local competition a year and even though practices consumed my summer, it wasn't exactly comparable to the movie, Bring It On.

I did enjoy running Track, and even though I ran as part of a team, (section champs, right ladies?!) I enjoyed competing against myself and own personal record. 

Its not in my nature to be competitive. 

Except now, I've entered into the most competitive environment I will probably ever be apart of. 

And no, I'm not talking about the volleyball league I occasionally play in. I only want to win those games because my brother in law is the most competitive person I've ever met. Sorry, Kyle...you are crazy. And great. 

I'm talking about the world of parenting. 

This video is a little extreme, but sadly, its pretty accurate too. You might think its ridiculous, but I've  first handily experience stuff like this!

I'd like to say that I don't participate in any of this nonsense, but I have to admit, even though I probably am not as verbal as some, in my head, I'm judgmental. 

I'm ashamed to admit it, but its true. 

I find myself wanting people to know how smart I think Landon is. I want him to be the first to answer questions at story time because I want others to experience his intelligence the way I get to every day. 

I want people to know I choose to breastfeed Toren and that I birthed him naturally. 

The list of things goes on and on and I didn't even realize I was doing it until I saw this video. Its a little lengthy, but it changed my perspective on how I view other parents. 

I admit that I subconsciously judge other mothers.

I've judged the mother who doesn't even attempt breastfeeding. How ignorant of me to judge someone without even knowing their reason. As if they even need a reason. 

I once read a story about a woman who choose to not breastfeed her baby because early in her life she had been molested. She was finally in a place where she felt like her body was her own and so she choose to bottle feed her baby. She said one of the hardest parts of being around other mothers, is the judgement she felt from those who breastfed their babies. She explained that nobody even cared to ask, why. 

Instead of looking down upon, lets be thankful that their are scientist who have created formula that can sustain the life of a human being. 

And lets be thankful the human body is able to produce nourishment.

I've judged the parents who choose to not vaccinate their children. 

I have my reasons why I vaccinate my kids, but others have their reasons why they choose not to, and some of those reasons are medical. 

Instead of the debate, what if we just agreed to disagree.

I've made it a point to myself and subconscious to be less judgmental and less competitive. 

I want to be a woman who is encouraging to other mothers, because lets be real, motherhood is tough! Of course, it is rewarding, but it truly is the hardest, most challenging task we face.

Lets be a sounding board for each other.

Lets be less judgmental and more understanding.

Lets ask questions to gain more self knowledge. 

We don't have to face it alone.