Five years ago, I went to the hospital because my back was hurting and ten hours later, I delivered a 6lb 13oz 20 in. long, beautiful, healthy, perfect, baby.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I've connected with so many people, especially in the last two years, who don't know this story.
And let's be honest, I'm an introvert by nature so it's not exactly the most comfortable conversation piece when initially meeting someone.
I don't typically share this "fun fact" about our family for three main reasons.
1. People think I'm crazy.
2. People think I'm lying.
3. I don't want this story to define Landon's life. It's simply how his story started.
I don't think about how that day went down very often. It's normal for us.
However, every year, around this time, I like to stop and think about what I was doing and how I was feeling and how our world was changed in a matter of a few hours.
We were living in Pasadena, CA.
Tyler was in seminary and I was a nanny.
We had a car, but it wasn't reliable, especially in LA traffic.
So we commuted by bike.
We literally biked everywhere. Every single day. It was amazing.
Our life was so easy - minus the fact that our apartment costed us $1000 a month and it was the size of our current living room.
Tyler went to school and work, I worked during the day, we biked around Pasadena in the evenings, and we ate really good food.
Most weekends, we were hiking places like this...
And going to beaches and doing stuff like this...
(6 months pregnant)
It was pretty simple.
As fall approached, we started to miss the changing of the seasons.
It was almost 90 degrees on Thanksgiving day - so we did the only logical thing and we went to the beach where it was cooler.
This was our Thanksgiving dinner and it's still one of my favorite Thanksgivings to date.
I was living a really normal, active life.
Nothing was out of the ordinary except for the fact that I had really intense groin pain every now and then that I attributed to biking, and I could eat an entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios in one sitting.
We were preparing for Christmas and trying to make it feel like winter as much as we could in a California setting.
This picture was taken on December 4th.
Just a week before Landon was born.
We walked a few miles along the beach on this day particular day.
The 65-degree weather made it feel a little bit more winterish.
We even went to great lengths of finding "snow."
On December 8th, we decided to bike 20 miles to an outdoor shopping center where it "snowed" every 30 minutes.
We walked around, looked in all of the expensive So Cal shops, and sat on the roof of a bookstore, sipping hot chocolate, watching the "snow" fall.
The next morning, December 9th, I remember feeling strange. My body just felt off.
My back had a dull pain.
Not constant.
Enough to notice, but not unbearable, and definitely not enough to cause concern.
I had planned to turn our apartment into a winter wonderland for Tyler and I that night, along with an evening out to our favorite restaurant.
Except the back pain was getting a little worse as the day went on so we decided on take-out (Chipotle).
While Tyler went to pick up the food, I decorated the apartment to make it feel more like winter.
After eating dinner, dancing in our apartment, and a hot shower, the pain in my back was actually subsiding a little bit and I assumed whatever was happening was done.
Except it wasn't...
Because the next day it got worse.
The pain in my back was getting a little more intense.
I actually took a muscle relaxer, but it didn't touch the pain. Which makes perfect sense now.
Three full days of back pain that got more and more intense by the day.
On the fourth day, 12/12/12, I woke Tyler up around 8am and told him I needed to go to the hospital.
I was scared. Terrified actually.
For anyone who has experienced contractions, and birth - imagine having no idea why your body was in excruciating pain.
I remember laying in the back seat of our friend's car just trying to focus on breathing every time my back would tighten.
Tyler made the comment, "Hey! It's 12/12/12! That could be a cool birth date to have..."
Everything that happened in the next 2 hours is so vivid.
I was wearing black yoga pants and a Toledo Rockets hoodie - my hair was in a very messy ponytail.
I walked into the ER. They took one look at me and immediately had me surpass every other waiting patient.
They started asking me all those questions they feel necessary to ask when you come into the emergency room.
BP was normal
I stepped on the scale - 115lbs. Normal.
The doctor asked me when my last menstrual cycle was. I answered honestly and said it was so sporadic because of the birth control I had been taking for the last year and a half.
They wheeled me down to a room.
I was given a urine test, the doctor asked me questions in between the excruciate back pain (contractions).
He actually got frustrated with me because I was in so much pain that I couldn't answer his questions.
He left the room and it seemed like he was gone for a really long time.
He finally came back...
"You are pregnant. Do you have any idea how far along you could be?"
We were shocked. How could I be pregnant? I had been taking birth control since Tyler and I got married.
So many initial thoughts...
Ok, we can handle this. A baby is a good thing! We were planning on waiting a few years, but this is a ok. We may need a bigger apartment and we will have to start gathering all the things you need for a baby, but we can do it.
But something has to be seriously wrong because I'm in so much pain.
I must be miscarrying.
We were taken to ultrasound and the technician searched my stomach for what seemed like forever.
He said to us, "You really didn't know you were pregnant?" After asking him why he would say that he told us he was just a technician and the doctor would have to discuss the results with us.
After being sent back to our ER room, the doctor comes in and said the words I will never forget. Ever.
"Ok, you are definitely pregnant. In fact, you are nine months pregnant. You are delivering this baby today."
I cried.
I cried because I was shocked.
I cried because I was absolutely terrified.
I cried because our life was changing, literally, by the second.
We were rushed to labor and delivery.
They strapped a fetal heart monitor on and immediately found the heart beat.
We had no idea what condition he was going to be in, but he at the very least, was alive.
I was checked and was already 6cm dialated and they could feel hair.
What was next?
I was not prepared in the slightest to give birth to a human being.
Wasn't I supposed to take birthing classes?
Obviously, there was no time for that.
I needed time.
I needed time to call my parents.
Tyler and I needed time to process what the heck was about to happen.
I needed time to put my guilt and what-ifs aside.
I got an epidural (a decision I still don't regret, but didn't do the second time around).
I was finally without pain and I felt relaxed.
After the pain subsided, and I had to chance to focus on something other than pain, I almost instantly I felt like I went from being a married woman living a simple life in Southern Californa with my husband - to a person now responsible for a fragile life.
I was a mom and I immediately felt so connected to this little baby living inside me.
We were anxious, but excited.
We didn't know the sex of the baby, but I knew it was a boy. It was my first motherly instinct.
Landon Shae was going to be his name.
*side note, the first movie Tyler and I ever watched together was A Walk To Remember and the main character's name in the movie was Landon*
The name, Shae, means "gift" which we found appropriate considering the circumstance and the time of year.
We called our parents, which was an experience in itself.
I was checked every now and then and eventually it was time to push.
There were about seven doctors in the room, ready to receive a baby who may need some medical assistance considering there was no prenatal care.
I pushed for three hours. THREE! (and after having Toren without an epidural, I understand why I pushed for three hours with Landon and only fifteen minutes with Toren)
He would not come out.
I was exhausted.
They resorted to a vacuum as one last attempt to get the baby out.
It worked!
And out came a screaming baby boy.
He was immeditaly taken to the other side of the room, evaluated, and checked over for what seemed liked forever.
And finally, I was handed my sweet baby for the first time.
I've had people ask me how long it took for me to feel contected to Landon considering I didn't have 9 months to prepare for his arrival.
There is something so raw and real about my relationship with him and it started from the minute I knew his existence.
We were made for each other.
Fast forward a few days...
Word spread and I immideiatly become one of those people on the show everyone has seen.
"Its like that show I didn't know I was pregnant!" was (and usually still is) the first phrase out of everyone's mouth.
I immediately feel like I have to prove and justify myself.
I posted this picture of myself three days after Landon was born.
I wanted people to see that there was no lasting bump, because a bump was never there.
However, as the years have gone on, I've overcome the feeling that I need to justify or prove how Landon's life began.
I don't feel the guilt that would overcome my thoughts because the blessing of his life overpowers that.
I focus on the fact that he was born healthy regardless of no prenatal care.
I attribute his healthy entrance to the fact that I lived a healthy and active lifestyle even though I had no idea I was carrying life inside me.
I focus on the fact that he is a thriving, developing FIVE year old.
It's been five years of loving a little boy who surprised us, but who had perfect timing.
