I know, especially around this time of year, a lot parents are going through transitions with their babies moving away. If you are one of these parents, you are probably thinking - come on, it's just kindergarten.
So, just know that even though our feelings and seasons are very different, all of our emotions are valid.
Now, onto this post.
It has been awhile since I've blogged. It seems like time just gets away from me.
But, for a milestone like this, it's easier for me to process things when I can write down my thoughts. And for anyone else who is going through a similar season of life, I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings of happiness, excitement, pride, anxiety, fear, or even sadness.
I know I am feeling all of these at the same time and it has me feeling emotionally drained!
I'm hoping through this, I can gain a sense of peace.
I remember when Landon was born and thinking about him being five. I wondered what he was going to be like and feeling so thankful that I was the one getting to be his mama.
I also remember feeling like him turning five was so far away. I felt like I had all the time in the world to enjoy him and all of his baby-ness.
I truly feel like I have have enjoyed every single stage of his life. I've done my best to soak everything in and capture as much as I can. If you follow me on social media, you know that I have successfully taken at least one million pictures of my sweet boys.
When he was a tiny baby, and his need for me was constant, I remember feeling like being his mama was exactly what I was created for. Our bond was seamless and the connection was so real.
As he became a toddler and his little personality started to come through, I fell even more in love with him. I didn't even know it was possible. He was the easiest, sweetest child. He was always showing so much love to everyone around him.
Those characteristic have stuck with him.
Before he started preschool, I remember feeling a little anxiety, but mostly excitement.
I felt safe in the way that he was only going to be away for three hours a day.
This was his very first day of preschool.
He walked into school with such confidence and literally never looked back. I don't even think he ever even said goodbye to us that day.
This was his first day of preschool from this current year.
Still, so much confidence and so much excitement and that has continued throughout this year. I am amazed the difference in maturity in just one year.
We have had such a positive preschool experience.
I am so thankful for his teacher, Mrs. Call! I know that she has always showed him love and he finds such security and comfort in her. She has taught him more than I ever could have in just two short years and I am eternally grateful for her being such a interracial part of his story. I think Landon is just realizing that she will not be following for the next thirteen years...but we wish she was!
He is taller, he writes his name better, he can count higher, but one thing has always remained the same.
He has continued to always be kind, always show love and compassion, and his sweet sensitive heart has only grown bigger.
Cue the tears and all the excitement, pride, happiness, anxiety, fear, and sadness.
I cannot wait to see what he learns this upcoming year. Learning is kind of his thing. He takes everything in and blows me away with some of the stuff he knows. I can't wait until he can start reading on his own...mostly because I want him to be able to read all of his dinosaur, tornado, human body books to himself.
However, the thought of him being gone all day, makes me sad! I'm not joking when I say if I thought I could homeschool him well, I would totally do it, just for the fact of having him home every day. However, if I homeschooled him, he would be illiterate.
And my biggest fear, is that his sweet little heart is going to be tainted.
Yes, I know the people around him are going to influence him and mold him and I think thats what I'm most afraid of.
I don't want him to be labeled as a "typical boy."
I want him to continue to be respectful and accepting and helpful
People have asked me, "Don't you wish you could just freeze time and keep him five?"
The answer to that, is a solid no.
I don't want to keep him five.
I have too many friends and know too many people who have lost their children. They don't get the joy of watching their children grow up and experience Kindergarten. That is unimaginable to me.
He is growing. He is healthy and thriving. I am so thankful for that.
I want to insure he continues to grows up to be the kind of man that is compassionate to everyone, that is kind, and who loves people even when they don't deserve it.
If you are still reading, I give you props.
I feel like most of this is just random thoughts and it's all jumbled, but that is seriously how my brain feels right now. Just so many thoughts and emotions happening all at one time.
If you are someone who has advice for this stage of life. The constant pull of wanting them to grow up, but still wanting to hold onto them, please give me tactics to surviving this season of life.
If you are currently in this season of life, you are not alone! Lets hang out and cry together.
"I will always hold you close, but I will learn to let you go."
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