Escalators and Mall Trains

The morning we left to go to the hospital to deliver Toren, I was an emotional wreck.
I was scared, I was anxious, I was excited, but I was also feeling guilty.

The guilt of bringing another baby into Landon's life had set in.
My sweet, Landon who had been receiving my undivided attention for the last 2.5 years was now going to have to "share" his mama.

I cried. A lot.

Immediately after Toren was born, I was already feeling the stress of balancing two kids.
Knowing how crucial the first few weeks of bonding with my newborn was, and wanting my two year old to not feel any less loved or important was almost more pressure than I was anticipating.

Luckily, and I truly mean we are so lucky, Landon adapted better than I could have ever imagined. It didn't take long for him to fall in love with his brother and he fully took on his roll of, big brother, with grace.

He has been loving, sweet, protective, and selfless from the beginning.
And even though he has handled this transition with such ease, I still feel the, "mommy guilt" as they call it.

I feel like I'm always telling Landon, "I'll play with you as soon as I'm done feeding Toren." or, "As soon as I put Toren to sleep, I'll get you a snack." or, "When I'm done changing Toren's diaper, we can go outside."

I don't intentionally put Toren first, he is just more needy and one of the best things about this new journey with two kids is, Landon understands that. He understands Toren needs a little more attention and he demonstrates such patience.

So, today because of all this, I decided I was going to take Landon out for the afternoon - just the two of us. Uninterrupted by his little brother who always seems to need something.

Naturally, we went to Chick fil A.

Landon has never been to any other fast food restaurant, besides subway. He doesn't even know what McDonalds is. In fact, a few weeks ago we went through a Steak and Shake drive through and he was so amazed when the lady handed us a milkshake through the window.

Anyways,
We like Chick Fil A and there is a play land, which I'm usually not a fan of.
1. They are infested with germs
2. Its pure chaos.

But, what the heck! Right?
He happily ate his lunch all while dancing in his seat because he could hardly contain his excitement for the play area that awaited him.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't at least consider getting the food to go and having a fun picnic in the back of the car (which we have done before), but I knew he would prefer the germy slide.

So, I took a breath, and opened the door to the play land and it was just as I remembered them being as a child. Loud, chaotic, and germy.

Did I mention the germs?

But he loved it, and surprisingly, there were some really sweet kids in there that Landon enjoyed playing with. He doesn't get a lot interaction with other kids besides from his friends at church and at story time, so its always interesting to watch him play with other kids.

I also learned the Chick Fil A play land is a hot spot for other stay at home moms.
I enjoyed talking with other moms and laughing at our crazy kids and the funny games they were coming up with.

We both surprisingly enjoyed ourselves!

And yes, we promptly washed our hands as soon as we left.

Our next stop was the mall and it wasn't to buy anything.
Landon loves escalators, so thats what we did.
We rode the escalator in Macy's for about twenty minutes and admired the Christmas decorations.

He was convinced there was something really exciting in this box that was actually part of a display.

And he was even more confused why this man wouldn't talk to him.

But the most exciting thing we did, was ride the mall train!

We see it every time we go to the mall, but we don't usually have time to ride it and not to mention it is pretty pricy for a five minute spin around crowds of people.

But, we splurged and you would have thought I took him to Disney World. 

We saw a Toy Story display, emoji pillows, and a huge Christmas Tree.
The Toy Story display was naturally his favorite.
And since we were having such a great time, we took one more ride on the escalator before we left.

On the way home, I asked him what his favorite part was and he said, "I like the train, but when is Toren going to get to ride it?"

Have I ever mentioned what a great brother he is?
He absolutely deserves some time with just his mama.

And I'll happily oblige.

The Mommy War

If you know me, you know that I'm not a very competitive person. Its not really my personality to get mad over "losing" something or not being the best at something.

In highschool, I didn't participate in competitive sports. 

Playing the flute in the band is not exactly a cut throat activity.

Cheerleading was competitive in the sense that we did one local competition a year and even though practices consumed my summer, it wasn't exactly comparable to the movie, Bring It On.

I did enjoy running Track, and even though I ran as part of a team, (section champs, right ladies?!) I enjoyed competing against myself and own personal record. 

Its not in my nature to be competitive. 

Except now, I've entered into the most competitive environment I will probably ever be apart of. 

And no, I'm not talking about the volleyball league I occasionally play in. I only want to win those games because my brother in law is the most competitive person I've ever met. Sorry, Kyle...you are crazy. And great. 

I'm talking about the world of parenting. 

This video is a little extreme, but sadly, its pretty accurate too. You might think its ridiculous, but I've  first handily experience stuff like this!

I'd like to say that I don't participate in any of this nonsense, but I have to admit, even though I probably am not as verbal as some, in my head, I'm judgmental. 

I'm ashamed to admit it, but its true. 

I find myself wanting people to know how smart I think Landon is. I want him to be the first to answer questions at story time because I want others to experience his intelligence the way I get to every day. 

I want people to know I choose to breastfeed Toren and that I birthed him naturally. 

The list of things goes on and on and I didn't even realize I was doing it until I saw this video. Its a little lengthy, but it changed my perspective on how I view other parents. 

I admit that I subconsciously judge other mothers.

I've judged the mother who doesn't even attempt breastfeeding. How ignorant of me to judge someone without even knowing their reason. As if they even need a reason. 

I once read a story about a woman who choose to not breastfeed her baby because early in her life she had been molested. She was finally in a place where she felt like her body was her own and so she choose to bottle feed her baby. She said one of the hardest parts of being around other mothers, is the judgement she felt from those who breastfed their babies. She explained that nobody even cared to ask, why. 

Instead of looking down upon, lets be thankful that their are scientist who have created formula that can sustain the life of a human being. 

And lets be thankful the human body is able to produce nourishment.

I've judged the parents who choose to not vaccinate their children. 

I have my reasons why I vaccinate my kids, but others have their reasons why they choose not to, and some of those reasons are medical. 

Instead of the debate, what if we just agreed to disagree.

I've made it a point to myself and subconscious to be less judgmental and less competitive. 

I want to be a woman who is encouraging to other mothers, because lets be real, motherhood is tough! Of course, it is rewarding, but it truly is the hardest, most challenging task we face.

Lets be a sounding board for each other.

Lets be less judgmental and more understanding.

Lets ask questions to gain more self knowledge. 

We don't have to face it alone.